War report – KP vs. The Smurfs

A long long time ago, in a strategy game far, far away the KARMA POLICE dragons and their spirit ruled the game. They flew around in their moonshipthingy and wrought havoc to each and everyone in their way. One of alliances to suffer from the dragons’ bloodthirst were the Smurfs. Eyewitnesses describe the war as a “great moon engulfing their world into darkness”. Enraged by these dreadful events the little blue men vowed to to take revenge, and that the saga would continue in the next ages.

While the Smurfs nurtured their grudge, the great empire of KARMA POLICE succumbed to bureaucracy. They ruled through the ‘age of the useless comments’ and the ‘age of the many complaints’ but never again with the brute force they held under the rule of Queen Jamzidala. But the great and evil Queen arose once again and the great moonshipthingy soared through the skies once more. Things were looking up for the empire, though they had not yet reached their former glory, but they had neglected to keep an eye on the angry blue folk.

True to their word, in the dead of night the Smurfs conspired to take revenge on the evil empire. Without ever knowing what hit him, Grand Hoff Tarkin fell to vicious blue claws, and not long thereafter ChewBiltes lay slain beside him. Viceman Nute Gunray died peaceful as a result of old age, but that brought the total to three dead tribes, a great loss. The blue ones were not yet finished, but they failed to murder Atanakin Skywalker, who had awakened in time to save his life.

Gravely wounded, but greatly angered, the living inhabitants of the moonshipthingy decided it was time to exterminate the race of little blue men. From the consistency of bird droppings they had deduced that the Smurfs’ main attacker force consisted of four evil owls. Hence, they converted to war mode but kept a little thief def and declared war upon the Smurf nation, wondering if their blood would match their skincolour, and dead set on satisfying that curiosity.

The war was brutal. The first to fall was Grote Smurf, their elder, in an attempt to leave them leaderless. He survived the first KT by releasing troops into the wild just after the tick, but he lost on the third try. Having noticed that the big owls were KPs primary targets they suddenly all became devout and honest and built lots of churches and guard houses. These buildings, along with the release a sizable chunk of his army saved Kleine Smurf’s life.

Meanwhile an angry Ponda Bolla and Lukopi Skywalker found out that the inventions of the science department were broken. They stood before the walls of the Smurf tribes, but without their nifty little gadgets they did not have enough soldiers to scale them. Ponda Bolla vented his anger by changing his name to [KP] Freaking Out, as a testimonial to his annoyance. Kleine Smurf responded mockingly in kind by renaming to Bollebug Smurf.

With the blue birds of the night heavily turtled and bereft of their firepower the troops of the Empire abandoned their thievery defenses for more firepower. Clockwork Smurf, a raven, had proven to be an annoyance by BCing and HnRring two tribes, so he was the second to fall. Liking the taste of birdflesh, but judging the raven meat to be more spicy than owl meat it was decided that the second Smurf raven should die as well, to prevent possible future incidents. Psycho Smurf almost lived to tell, but was finally taken out by two vicious raids.

With only tough targets to choose from, it was decided to go for Peaceful Smurf, a Dark Elf, who was the least defended of them all, with 20% Guard Houses, but only 10% churches and ML35. BCs lowered his ML and destroyed all his guilds and he was left unable to cast selfspells. He might have lived, had he not previously razed all his markets, and run out of credits. Unable to rebuild his barren acres Peaceful Smurf fell in the dead of night.

The great and powerful Pierewiet succumbed to age, which left the smurfs with two very well defended owls and some badly defended smaller tribes. By now the Empire had satisfied their curiosity – their blood is red, and they taste just like chicken – and they wished for this war to be over. Flying Smurf and Reborn Smurf were disposed of, and after 41 hours of warring KARMA POLICE emerged victorious.

The moonshipthingy took off, leaving the scorched Smurf lands behind, finally able to lay their dead to rest after having taken revenge. Yet, they did not exterminate the entire race of Smurfs, so undoubtedly in the future the little blue folk will once again attempt to slaughter the soldiers of the Empire.

Final score: KP 6 – Smurfs 2

~Atan

1. lepel says:

   February 17, 2009 at 00:18

   you left out some vital facts!!

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2. Noobisher says:

   February 17, 2009 at 09:05

   OMG, I wonder what would happen next, especially to KP’s other rivals

   eg, ORKFIAN GANGSTERS!

   (and maybe Death Note)

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