War Report – #17 vs. #45

War Report: #17 vs. #45

Having survived countless horrors of the 20th century in the form of drugged-up hippies and crazy scrapbook scribblers – not to mention the fabled millenium bug which apparently shouldn’t exist but nevertheless made life difficult for everyone – the mighty Decepticons emerged from the rubbles shaken but not beaten.

Under the iron-fisted rule of their courageous leader Megatron (and his loyal constructicon Bonecrusher) the Decepticons once again attained power reminiscent of their former glory. Peace came at last, but alas, the fierce warriors were not made to settle for the menial normality of machinery maintenance and lube abuse. They were made for war, and war it was to be. They toyed with the idea of naming the campaign a “pre-emptive strike in The War on Terror” but decided it was just not cool. They only had one thing in mind: world domination. and cheap beer. but that can wait.

Frantic preparations ensued as the blood-thirsty Decepticons scurried about, bristling with eagerness. Not everything went well. Ravage in his sleep-deprived-examination-prep state forgot to get barracks. Skyfire took a mental stroll as he deliberated over the cost-effectiveness of getting barracks, and came home a few minutes too late to secure guilds in time. In the meantime everyone (tried to) cross their shiny metallic fingers for #45 to remain in range. Nothing however, could stave off the fervent enthusiasm of the Decepticons, and nothing did.

While there wasn’t any plans to plan, planning nevertheless took place. 19:55 was set as the initial time for elven scouts to prepare the battlefields for what was to be the main strike at 22:55. Megatron thundered out battle orders before leaving on a quest for cheap beer. He left an ominous message: “I’ll be back…… (at 16:00)”

16:00 came and went, and there were no signs of Megatron. The rest of the cons sat around and twiddled their thumbs nervously, all the while glancing surrepticiously at #45’s ailing leader, Adolf Hitler as his breathing became increasingly laboured. Leaderless and out of patience, the cons started feeling sorry for themselves and reached once more for the lube. It was not until the daring Bonecrusher stepped up that the cons regained their focus. “We shall strike at 18:55,” he thundered, and sounded the war-horns. A wise decision it proved, for it was revealed later that Adolf Hitler accidentally shot himself in the throat hours earlier as his life slipped away in his hole of a bunker, alone and unknown to all.

The scouting-party – Soundwave and Bonecrusher (Buzzsaw was still intoxicated from too much cheap beer) fired the first shots. The target was the mammoth Leonidas I who was rumoured to have skin of iron and ***** of steel. (jesus what do they feed you in sparta?) Indeed he proved well-defended, but his fate was sealed – he would be the first to fall. It wasn’t long before the scouting party exhausted their ammo and retreated to regain their stamina as they waited for the main strike-force to arrive.

Things were going well, the only resistance on behalf of the Earth elite was a feeble BC on the cons’ budding owl (this choice was to puzzle historians for aeons to come). However it was clear by then that something, somewhere was seriously amiss…

Where’s Megatron?!?

A vicious rumour began circulating that he in fact ran off with Lepel’s sister, but the Decepticons were not to be distracted by such awful thoughts. The main army joined the scounts on-time at 22:55 and unleashed their wrath upon the hapless earthlings. Leonidas I, proved in the end merely a brute with too much facial hair, as Quintessons struck a vicious blow to soften him up.

It wasn’t long before the mighty cons realised that enough homes (tents? iono) had been burnt, and left the eager Skyfire bewildered as he ran around looking for a place to dump his full load of ammunition. Bonecrusher was quick to point them in the right direction, as the rest of the firepower was diverted to the next target: Genghis Khan.

23:00ST: double kill. As the Decepticons surveyed the battlefield in satisfaction, Ravage and Quintessons felt safe enough to retreat to their sanctuaries and binge on their well-earnt supply of cheap beer. The war soon ended 2 hours later as King Arthur became the last to fall.

The triumphant Decepticons celebrated their victory with reservation. They congratulated themselves and divided the war-spoils, carrying home years of supplies of beer which as it turned out, didn’t last years at all. They drank, they slept and prayed in their sleep to the OrkfianGods for Megatron’s safe return.

And return safely he did, with heroic tales of escaping sabotage attempts, rendering him without internet access for the best part of the day. He may have missed the war, but his spirit will always be with his fellow Decepticons (for all the good that does).

Long Live Megatron! Long Live the Decepticons and may the age of no-crazy-hippies-and-weirdos-with-black-books last forever. Amen.

Final score

Gangsters 3 – 0 World Dominance

~ Halcyon #17

1. OrigenX says:

   July 3, 2009 at 22:21

   Nice war indeed, damn sabotaging

   Kills:

   Leonidas I – 21k Viking (18,8 after the grab)

   Ghenghis Khan – 9k Nazgul

   King Arthur – 10k Templar

   was missing those details

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2. Bolle says:

   July 4, 2009 at 00:19

   lol, brilliant war report

   Now get on, kill the inactive KP’ers, just cause they live for almost a week already. It’s time for WORLD DOMINANCE after all… and cheap beer.

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3. Halcyon says:

   July 4, 2009 at 11:17

   awesome! i love bold!

   lol we are just trying to make things a bit more exciting for you guys bolle

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4. lepel says:

   July 4, 2009 at 17:11

   my sister said she had better, origenxx

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