War Report – #36 vs. #45

July 11th, 2009War Reports5 comments

Orkfia News Network

Good morning Orkfia! Nothing unusual going on considering almighty Martel (All Hail martel!) decided not to implement new age changes seeing everybody is happily growing and killing each other. The evil robots at #17 are still dominating the charts after Death Note took a turn and decided to start a new leaf (no pun intended). The police (karma not sting) are still slowly climbing up the charts again hoping to claim their old glory taking care to tread and grind whoever they come across. We see a new alliance with big templars holding the number 2 spot seemingly obliterate the warm and fuzzy Bears in a 7 tick war. Poor Bears, I hope nobody misses his teddy tonight. In other news…..zzt..what?!

We interrupt this program with breaking news that the Bears have come full throttle and decide to give payback to the Great Leaders! I will now patch you up with Ray Porter at Ground Zero.

Ground Zero

We are here live with alliance #36 who just declared an all out war with #45, the alliance bent on worldwide domination. Seeing as WD just recently fried their furs, the Bears woke up from hibernation and smelled blood from their kin staining the ground. WD has a 2 big-ass templars who totally owned the Bears during their previous skirmish however, these two guys are close to old age and might kick the bucket any minute!

Delta one do you copy?

Bearing my teeth was the one who first smelled bloodlust. War orders were cascaded, a KT was set. Declaration of independence was at 02:55H. Close to the KT, the alliance channel was still empty save for Bearing my teeth slapping P for being the only guy there. at 2:15H, the encrypted Bear channel was seeing more activity now with the Bear elder and his Co-elder Sugar checking in. A trap was set for the Carthagian Emperor and his elephants and it had nothing to do with Dumbo. Since sweets decided to go to work, the Bears prayed to the war gods for good health and good luck. And with Korn blasting the airwaves, troops were mobilized at 2:30H. With the help of S.W.A.B. (special weapons and bears), Bearing my teeth was easily able to penetrate the cover of Hannibal, rigged a spiderweb of explosives under his sewers and blew a total of 600 homes for his initial salvo. But Hannibal, being a brilliant tactician, choose the strong flank tactic and saved a few more citizens in h! iding. The Bears fell short in destroying his army for the first tick. Since time is of the essence, Bearing my teeth quickly took out his poke-ball and said “Pika Bear, I choose you!” Summoning the cutpurse was enough to seal the fate and draw firstblood at 3:00. Hannibal never stood a chance.

Soldier down!

Following the demise of Hannibal, the main bulk of the Bears was sent into forced march towards the lands of Crazy Horse. However, with cloud and smoke obscuring the hillside, most of the furry creatures got waylaid. Some mistakingly wandered into Abraham Lincoln’s ancestral domain, while others followed the trail of Adolf Hitler’s sweet meat pie. In doing so, the returning troops of Bearing my teeth were left without backup on the battlefields. This gave time for Sun Tzu’s army of Taoists to trace and cast the cursed seal of “Page cannot be displayed”. With Bearing my teeth knocked out cold from last night’s revelry, his troops were easy pickings from the crazed scholars. The Bears were forced to watch as his troops were skinned alive and their furs sent packing to China in crate boxes. We can only assume that they’ll turn out as new rugs bound for Alaska. with the last of his brethen gutted and stripped, the Bears watched as Bearing my teeth’s tribe crumbled in ruins.

Operation WD

The Bear elder quickly contacted the chief of staff of B.I.A.T.C.H. (Bears intelligence agency tactical combat headquarters) and ordered the Bearttalion to regroup. With the dust settled, and after the animals ate the last of Hannibal’s elephants, they marched steadily into the lands of Crazy Horse. The order of “set claws from stun to kill” was given and soon bodies from the Oglala Lakota leader’s headhunters littered the landscape. One headhunter tried to sneak up on Megalomania’s squad leader and almost decapidated him with one blow from his tomahawk (which was purchased from Best Buy) but luckily, his Polar brethen spotted the assassin and with a huff and a grunt, scalped the indian with one big slash. Following up with a roundhouse kick (matrix-style) gave the white bear just enough momentum to pirouette and throw a dragonmage edition grenade at the center of Crazy Horse’s last remaining troops which ended the bloodline of the famed Indian chief.

Karl XII

After the death of Crazy Horse, the Bear elder ordered his army into a forced march towards the lands of Charles XII. Not used to cold weather, most of the animals were fighting of the temptation to hibernate which resulted in a little military losses. Upon reaching the Viking’s land, the elder gave the coordinates of Trodheim and called for another round of artillery. Sugar Bear fired the initial salvo taking out most of Karl’s turrets and with no heavy artillery support, his trooops were slaughtered again by Smokey, Bear ass and Mega. The three troops combined to rain fire and brimstone on to his lands and were about to enter Karl’s fortress but they were pinned down by Karl’s royal guard. Ultimately, it was Polar Bear’s troops who, perfectly camouflaged by the landscape, sneaked in from the back and ended the life of the Swedish General.

Gold team Aqua

Gold Leader Kodiak, who was supposed to be part of the main troops but did not make the initial deployment, just checked in! Apologizing for his delay, with the reason that their HQ was bombarded with biological weapons (he was logging in from a friend’s house because his basement was being repaired and paint fumes were everywhere), he requested for a target. Coordinates were set and he was ordered back into the lands of Hannibal, who being the tactician that he is, was able to quickly rebuild and regroup his troops in 8 ticks. Mega bear spearheaded the #36 infantry but with most of the Bear’s ground troops out and exhausted from the previous forced march, Mega could not penetrate Hannibal’s fort. Mega could only watch as every citizen that his troops killed from raids, were just recovered and regenerated by Hannibal’s drug (codename: MRiver). Finally, with Gold Leader on board, their combined troops were finally able to penetrate the protection cast on Hannibal’s lands ! by the Orkfian Gods and Hannibal was laid to rest a second time.

The aftermath

With only 360 acres for the war win remaining, the Bear elder patched everybody on the encrypted channel and gave orders to revisit Alexander the Great. A KT was set, and war orders were cascaded to each Bear talon. Exhausted from a near lack of sleep (and with his missus threatening to throw his laptop in the dustbin), the Bear elder signed off and the Bear army replenished their supplies. Unknown to them, Napoleon Bonaparte already planned his return from Elba and having discovered that World Domination was in a state of war, quickly mobilized his troops. Team Gold Leader woke up to find that a fair-sized chunk of his army was already overrun by the frenchmen. Crying foulplay, he ordered an eat-n-run at Napoleon’s retreating army taking out a couple of Napoleon’s troops. At 12:00H, the Bear elder got back online and nearly dropped his jaw with glee. Napoleon was hasty with his actions and forgot to notice that only 100k frenchies remained in his four thousand acre king! dom. Ordering a recalculation of data (click start->run->calc), the Bear elder knew that Napoleon’s fate is sealed. However, Napoleon was quick to retaliate from the initial airstrikes on French soil, and ordered his army to disrupt vital communication and supply lines at Sugar Bear’s army, killing hundreds of precious equipment. He created more damage by ordering 1,800 of Sugar Bears commies to the guillotine. In retaliation, Sugar and Polar Bear called forth another coordinated airstrike on Napoleon’s troops and since his army was still out, Napoleon’s fate was sealed. The last green line appeared on the B.I.A.T.C.H. screen and at 16:00H, almost 48 ticks before declaration, the Bears won the war.

by BladetheWicked