War report KP vs CD
After the last Orkfia weekly some discussion came to life regarding war reports and winners versus losers of any specific war.
So Bolle took it upon himself to write a little bit more obscene war report then usual to mainly annoy rEdL|nE ^^
So here it is, KP versus CD:
After their (sort of) succesful war versus Genesis, KP was longing for a period of rest. The demands from orkfia had become so very time-consuming, and the boss was whipping his stick at their backs. But alas, #35 had decided to enter the competition seriously. True to their style, they went for the only means they can excel at – race choices. After some serious research they decided that the most overpowered race was Dwarf. Add a few britts and Light Elves for serious firepower and you had a squad to kick arse with, regardless of the pitiful quality of the players. So the Cowardly Dumbasses started their tribes and started casting EM – or Epic Move, presumably unrelated to the infamous orkfian player with the same acronym.
With EM’s spirit guiding them on the path of militarization, the Cranky Dummies soon started up the path to EM-bound victory. RedLiNe’s utter lack of a spiritual message (footnote 1) and motivational capacities had been defeated through this EM spirit, you see. Cranky though they may be – when you insert a flaming hot red chili pepper in their arses, they’ll move up the rankings fast enough. They were actually threatening to overtake the heroes of Karma Police. KP has lots of Karateka Powers, yes.
The ever watchful Joe soon noticed the inevitable – and literal – steaming up of the dwarves, and he sounded the alarm. A short inquiry showed a lot of people unable to participate actively in any wars, but the necessity to do something about the peppers overruled all precaution. Though some premonitions of a grisly were voiced, the heroes of Koward Punishers bravely prepared (footnote 2) for the fight. Smartphones – for smart people only – would hopefully bring victory to the brave.
The stage was set, and Kool People immediately killed a 3000 acre brittonian. Consequently, they grabbed the dull redline down from 6000 to 4000 acres, forcing him to release a lot of military and release on the tick. These two magnificent feats were managed despite an average online ratio of 40%. It just goes to show that quality defeats quantity in every notable fight.
Unfortunately, the fight would soon get less notable. As the heroes of Killer Pistols retreated in orderly fashion for a devastating second stroke, the dwarves advanced, inflamed by redline’s red hot chili peppers. The dwarves went into the fight like balls of pitch, flames bursting from their ugly cavernous mouths and crooked noses, their arses blowing like a balloon, bits of their last meal – a 400 acre tribe they raidkilled for fun – spraying over their enemies. The heroes of Kalamity Premonition bravely withstood this advance.
But lo and behold, Redline turned and farted.
What can one expect?
What can one do?
Turn and run. Actually, the dwarves wanted to do the same, but the fart came from that direction so they had no choice but run on, straight into the arms of KP. Who’d dropped their arms out of sheer horror and were in the process of turning around, although it had been a mercy to kill these poor drugged dwarves.
Alas, the fart had won the war. All orkfia can do is pity the Crazy Dwarves and hope redline soon runs out of flaming hot red chili peppers.
Final score: 1 – fart.
footnote 1: Unless you consider ‘drink, drink, drink and let’s not forget the weed’ a spiritual message.
footnote 2: Bolle swapped his ash cane for a willow cane with the width and length of an oversized oak tree.
~Bolle
Article image by daarken
